Night Blooming Jasmine

sage, poetry, prose, poems, steven humphreys

Man alive!

Look at what I just saw deep down in that dark cavern!

It has two heads!


Wait, it’s dark!

I can’t really see it too good

But, that thing is moving

It’s fluttering it’s wings

Vampires have wings?

I never saw those in the movies

Well, they sure have teeth, don’t they!

Oh, my God, it’s getting up

Where’s my flashlight!

Oh s__t, here it comes!

Now wait a minute Mr. Vampire, what’s the deal here!

Just hold on now…

Keep your distance!

I’m warning you!

How can I fight a Vampire?

No human can…

What are you asking me?

You’ve got nerve!

I can’t go for that!

No, you can’t have just a little sip of my blood!

You lie!

You won’t take just a little, you’ll suck every Goddamned drop out of me!

Do you think I’m crazy and goanna fall for that trick of yours?

That trick is as old as Vampires themselves

What do you mean, I don’t trust you?

Why the heck would I be that foolish and would?


Let’s take a closer look at you

Hey, you’re not a Dude!

What is this!

You mean, they have Genders?

Now, I’ve seen it all!

You’re Female?

Yes, I’m Single. How does that make a Diff?

You want a little blood.

I have a few quarts.

I won’t even feel a prick because your teeth are so sharp!

Wait one minute!

Don’t try to take advantage of me with your subtle charms

Don’t try to manipulate my feelings

Of course, you are beautiful

But, I don’t know you or your intentions, do I?

Yes, I’m a man

What do you mean, I’m a Chicken!

No one gets away with that without a black eye!

Well, maybe a woman does

Well, I guess I am a BIG CHICKEN

Promise not to tell anyone

Oh, it will be our secret?

What do you mean that’s a wives tale people turn into Vampires once bitten?

You mean that’s not true at all?

What happens if I bite you?

You mean, I would turn into one for sure that way?

Well, I surely wouldn’t want to do that. I was joking anyway.

It’s No laughing matter?

That’s me I guess, joking around when it’s inappropriate

Can I think about this so called pin prick on my neck you want to give me for a couple days?

No. You mean it has to be now or never?

Is never OK with you?


I guess we have a check mate of sorts, don’t we?

Oh, you could over power me?

Vampires are ten times stronger than a human?

Oh, you mean the women vampires are even stronger than the men?


So, you say it’s best I volunteer giving blood?

You mean like a blood donor?

Is this a worthy cause?


Of course you’d say that. What answer did I expect other than that?

You mean, it will save your life?

You think I’m handsome?

Boy, this is a dirty trick!

Feed my Ego to get what you want

Well, that won’t work!

How about if I get to know you first?

You are making the move on me way too fast!

Slow it down, way down girl

How about a rain check?

Can I say NO, gracefully?

I need more time

I don’t want to be tricked into becoming like you

What do you mean it’s not too bad?

I don’t want to sleep in a casket in the daylight!

It’s comfortable, you say

I don’t know about that

How could it be cushy in there?

Wait, the sun is rising!

We must have been talking for hours

Where’d the time go?

How beautiful!

Look at all those colors in the clouds!

The Reds and the Yellows and the Purple!

You mean, you haven’t seen the sunrise in five hundred years?

See it rise above that tree over there?

So, you lost your thirst?

Well, I didn’t


That was my beer, dear!

Glug, Glug, Glug!

I hope you don’t drink blood like that

It wouldn’t be civilized

It wouldn’t be lady like

You know, maybe we should get to know each other better before anything else develops

It’s best not to jump into things too quickly

The divorce rate is rising

By the way, you aren’t married are you?


You mean you outlived him by about two hundred years?

Oh, you’re a grieving Widow?

You mean, Black Widow?

No? You didn’t drink from him?

Oh, of course, he died of natural causes

He lived a long life

Who knew?


Interesting story…

Did he share his blood with you when you couldn’t find a stranger?

No? Not at all?

Oh, he would have turned into one of you if he let you?

He didn’t want to live forever?

You stood by him till the end?

You were a faithful wife?

Sure, I believe you

Why wouldn’t I

I mean, I don’t know you

How would I verify that fact?

I guess I’ll take that on faith

What else can I do?


What kind of blood do you feed on?

Oh, just human?

No Cats, Dogs, or Rats?


I should’ve known…

So, what do we do now?

Please, excuse me. Glug, Glug, Glug, BURP! BELCH!

Excuse my bad manners

Oh, I’m forgiven

You have a mysterious aura about you

Oh, you come alive at night?

You have a scent

What’s that perfume you’re wearing?

Where did you buy it?

What do you mean they don’t sell it anywhere?

You mean that’s your natural scent?

Boy, women would love to know your secret!

You better bottle that stuff up and sell it to them!

You’d be a millionaire!

Oh, it’s not money you seek, or fame and fortune?

Oh, I know… it’s blood you want. Mine? Right?

Gee, that fragrance is addicting

You smell so sweet!

You are trying to put me under a spell aren’t you?

A favorite Vampire trick!

What’s your name?

Wait! Your feet are coming up off the ground. You mean, you float, too!

Maybe, you’re an Angel?

No. I didn’t think so.

Are you a Devil?

What do you mean that’s a fairy tale!

That’s what they always taught in the movies

So, you can’t always believe what you’re told

Yeah, that’s kind a like life, I guess… That’s how it goes…

So, what do they call you?

I mean, what’s your name?


Oh, you’re Mexican?

Well, that’s what you do for a living

But, you don’t have a name?

La Flor?

What’s that?


Boy, here she comes walking over to me

This time, it doesn’t look like she’s goanna stop until she gets what she wants

I think I’m in big trouble now…

I think I’m a goner

Well, if I do have to go

Maybe, this is the least painless


I guess that didn’t hurt much

I don’t feel any different

I’ll just have to wait and see what happens

I guess she owns my ass now!

Or, more accurately, my very SOUL!

If I told someone

They wouldn’t believe me

They’d say I was NUTS!

Wait one minute!

Why am I having such a craving for a very rare cut of steak?

Great! It’s kicking in sooner than I thought

I guess I wasn’t exempt…

I knew what was goanna happen

Now what do I do?

Oh, wait, I’ll ask Vampiro over there

Hey, La Flor! What do I do now?

Do, as you were reborn to do!

That’s just Wonderful!

I’m now a Vampire!

Wait till I tell my MOM and DAD!

They will probably be the only ones who’d believe me in the entire world…

Well, you are what you are

And, people don’t change

Especially Vampires…

Hey, how long will I live?

You mean, I’ll never die?

Well, that’s sort of cool, I guess…

But, how am I going to get up in the morning and go to work?

Dress code won’t allow for me to wear a dark hood every day

They wouldn’t go for that!

They’d think I was trying to make some kind of fashion statement!

Oh, yeah, I forgot, I don’t need money now

I don’t need things

Yeah, right, I don’t need to go to the grocery store, anymore

I guess it’s like living on a budget


I don’t have to worry about road rage, anymore!

No more driving on the FREEWAYS getting the finger from all those pissed off people!

Won’t miss that!

Don’t have to go to the bathroom, either?

Boy, this is looking better all the time!

Let’s add this all up!

Don’t have to eat…

Live forever…

Never get sick…

No more Diarrhea attacks…

No more Doctor checkups…

No more Flu shots…

Don’t need a Car…

Can stay up all night and watch TV…

Can drink all the Beer I want without throwing up…

No more hangovers…

No Woman can break my heart anymore!

I only break theirs!


This is looking GOOD!

Where do I sign up?

Oh, sorry, you already signed me up

Just joking, honey pie…

I know, I know…

So, You just wanted to be sure I was into long term committed relationships?

I guess it looks like I’m yours FOREVER

And, I really mean that, baby!

Can’t get more Romantic that, girl!


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