Motorcycle Freakenstein

motorcycle freakenstein, steven humphreys, poems, poetry, prose

I was once a motorcycle freak

For a little while…

Not too long

I’ve ridden all kinds of bikes

All brands except one…

This One slammed me and then

I wanted to be an M.F.

Not a Mother F…..

A motorcycle freak

And, mosey in the midst of them

With or without any leathered up gear

So, it goes

Once upon a time…

It happened

the first time I took a ride on a Harley

I was kind of thinking of buying one of those sexy jewels

I was goanna trade my truck for it

Then, I came out of my male fantasy and thought about it a while

I wouldn’t have anything else to drive to work, the store, go out on a date, go to the library and read about Harleys, and look at pictures of Harleys, or go to H and R Block to get my taxes done, In and Out, or go wherever

All my papers and hamburgers would fly off the bike as I turned a corner

Then, I abruptly came to my senses when I thought about riding it in the rain, sleet, and snow, freezing my you know what off, and people rolling down their windows and spitting in my face, or throwing something at me, as they drove by…

You know all those kinds of A——S

The S–T they do

The bastards that don’t understand wanna be guys who love their imaginary Harleys

So, I took a test ride for a couple of miles, anyway

That was the coolest ride of my life, man, really

Honestly, nothing like the Japanese Bikes

Don’t get me wrong, they’re OK

More than OK, they’re great

Nothing against them

But These untamed crude animals, yes these, have Charisma, real Moxy, and possess genuine Mojo

It was beige

The sound of it was loud and low

The torque was huge

It had style

It had manhood

It had a bad assed personality

Mounted on that machine I immediately became a freakenstein monster man

It lasted about a half an hour

Feeling that rumble under my seat

Rattling my teeth, my bones, and a couple of other things that rang like chimes…

My ass getting purple numb bouncing up and down on the potholes of the street

It was the coolest

Only Men understand this stuff

At the time, I had my unfaithful girlfriend on the back seat

Holding on to me tight

Believe me, I felt like I had it all

I became a real man for once in my P—Y Whipped Life

At least, for a while…

That middle aged woman is long gone and I’m sure glad about that

Another cheating bitch who didn’t really love me, as I found out later

My heart was ripped out, AGAIN

Although, I have to give her credit

I believe in giving credit where it’s due

At least, She wasn’t a gold digger

I really hate those money grubbing b——s

I do admit, She did have some decency about her

But, not an ounce of loyalty

You find those human qualities in a pet dog

She was though a good mother to a possible future step son that I couldn’t stand

Who’d always be in the way trying to screw things up for me

I knew he’d always be that fly in the ointment trying to sabotage me every time my guard was down

She spoiled the hell out of that lame fat assed punk that I know couldn’t stand me, too

Thank God that whole mess didn’t work out

There must be a God smiling on me

At least there was then

I didn’t think that then when my heart bled over her

But, I felt like the king of the road on that bike

For a while

I was the big kid on the block Riding a big bang thumper bicycle with one hell of a throbbing motor

Down the road with the wind in my face

The sun and gnats in my eyes

I sure felt like easy rider with his cool sunglasses on

Riding into the sunset

To the next rude biker beer bar

I fell in love like never before and it still sticks to me this day

Don’t be a fool because you’ll go head over heels

Do not ride a god damned Harley unless you’re ready to buy one

There’s no ride like it

It will haunt you

And, not leave you alone

Until you DIE

My dear fellow

Harley rider wanna be friend


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