Spiritual and beyond

About Life Being Unreal

I always knew something

about life

being unreal

but couldn’t explain

what that was

it was

that something

wasn’t quite right

something had a hole in it

a piece was missing

like a puzzle

and I never could quite find that missing piece

there was this unreal quality about it

I sensed this phoniness

this illusory quality


I just couldn’t put my finger on

or prove

exactly what it was


it was strange


difficult to believe

sometimes a nightmare

often disappointing

sometimes good


what life delivered

to my doorstep

as a kid


I felt I was in a deep

conscious sleep


every time I thought this way

every time I pondered in this fashion

every time it hit me life was like

a dream…

life dropped a hammer

on my big toe

and there I was again

not surprised

at all

 hopping around

on one leg

holding my foot

in pain

as usual

and I then forgot

about life

being unreal

for a little while


those times I got scolded by my parents

when some girl broke my heart

when a bully sensed I was the sensitive type

and picked me out to pick on me

pushing me around

punching me in the stomach

for no good reason

and later on

when I woke up discovering my only friend

from high school

was always nothing but

a fair weather friend

with each divorce that was finalized

when those unloving parents died

getting off the hook from what they’d done to my child psyche

when I never got that high paid job I went to college and studied so hard for

eating Ramen

everything then fell completely apart

and then

I knew for sure life wasn’t real

at all

and finally there it was

there was my proof I’d been searching for

I knew that nothing mattered

I also knew that for some reason unbeknownst to me

I must have been born to go through all this

that I was more like everyone else

than not

I was

more sensitive than some

not as sensitive as others

for I didn’t kill myself early on

like I’d planned


believe me

I sure had thought a lot about doing it

why didn’t I?

too chicken

I thought things would get better


many years later

things didn’t get better

they got different instead

they didn’t get worse

I changed my mind

about many things

my thinking changed

I grew into someone else

 and learned

 what love is


it is something

that isn’t done

for me


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