the fortune cookie

Fortune cookie poem by steven james humphreys


was having a horrible time picking up on chicks

and going out on dates

he just couldn’t score

it was

one rejection after another

he was really frustrated and confused about the whole

man and woman thing

he was tired of being someone’s door mat and having his heart smashed into a thousand pieces…

so he thought his master teacher must have had some luck with the opposite sex

at some point in his life and asked him his most serious question…

‘how do I become a man’?

‘no one can teach you how, not even I’ said the master

he continued with ‘when in doubt

my dear student buy a bag of fortune cookies.

your answer will be there in one of three fortune cookies’

so grasshopper rushed right out to the local corner store ripped open the bag and broke one open and there was his answer on a mere skinny piece of paper…

‘sorry grasshopper you are on your own’

still curious and amazed the fortune cookie knew his name, he cracked open yet another

the second one said ‘don’t be a whining kiss ass grasshopper, it makes woman puke’

even more frustrated he opened his last fortune cookie…

‘you become a man not by acting, only through being’

grasshopper took the small piece of paper to his master.

the master read it, shook his head and said…

‘that’s a bunch of B _ _ _ _ _ _ T my foolish student. you don’t get your wisdom from a stupid fortune cookie’!

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