guru poem by steven james humphreys

he said he’s not my guru anymore.

you thought that just because he

came from some strange land

he had found your God!

but, he got up from his lotus

position and walked right out that door

after he made his millions off us

he moved to beautiful countryside Peru with ten stoically

handsome handmaidens dressed in their belly dancing outfits.

but, some of them wear wonderful mermaid suits

and hop around like a fish…

I heard he loves his whiskey!

didn’t think he drank a drop…

shows you that no

one really knows his guru…

I’m all on my own

and the road

in front of me stretches

straight to infinity.

a long winding road

with many cliffs on the

edge of the road

to fall off from.

no signs to tell me

where to turn.

I have no destination.

no sheep herder to follow.

I must find my own way

wading through my delusions…

so, I hear you’re your own guru too?

you thought he was

a holy man

waiting for him to

unravel the mysteries

of time and space.

but, one seminar

led to another,

didn’t it

my dear brother.

the guru took off

with all our


(and thousands of our dollars)

since then,

I lost all

my marbles…

you’ll find me

making faces

at angry monkeys

in the zoo.

I’m old

I can get away with

acting like I’m crazy.

I don’t act.

I am insane!

no one cares

they see me as a harmless

old coot.

people look at me

like I have two heads,

or three!

I’m riling those monkeys up

they’re making a racket

drawing a huge crowd,

the zoo warden is coming

around the corner

to see what all the ruckus

is about.

He’s done it before

I mean kicked me out

he recognizes me

because I see him

shaking his head.

everyone keeps

their distance from me.

I wave my hands

screeching like a gray ape.

how is this old man

supposed to

entertain himself

these days?

500 channels

at home, still

nothing on.

I wonder if there is

beer in the



may have

drunk the

last bottle

last night.

the warden

escorted me

to the entrance.

I forgot where

I parked my car.

I’m roaming the

parking lot


waving my hands

screeching like

an angry gray ape.


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